Silver Alert & Toddler God
Tuesday night: Stand at a red light waiting for the crosswalk. Pick a wedgie with one hand, wave to a family from church with the other. That’s the story of my existence, in 2 sentences. (Yea, I shouldn’t have picked a wedgie at a busy intersection, but I had been running and my shorts needed adjusting. And I had the cover of darkness. And I probably just shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house, ever.) Silver Alert We lunched at Chick-fil-a today (see list below for the humor there) and Beckett, my creative genius, turned the table topper into a hat. It was funny or whatever I guess, but I…
two. dos. два. 둘. zwei. deux.
Beckett will be two next week. It blows my mind. But before we get all sappy about how much I love the face off my two year old little boy…I want to take a second to talk about what age 2 looks like, because a lot of people forget. Or block it out. Or drink their way through it. It can be a real struggle. Like when toddler speak is virtually indecipherable. Only by sheer luck (and lots of time alone with Beckett) do I know that “fok” never means exactly what it usually sounds like (the f word), but rather means any or all of the following: frog, fork,…
Toddler Beds: the worst things on earth.
Day 1: Well, Beckett finally made the big transition. He started climbing out of his crib, so we moved him into a big boy bed. (!!!!!!) Our little punkin is just growing right on up. On Saturday, we talked about big boy beds, looked at options, and finally bought one from Target. The guardrails seem a little short, but it’ll be fine. I’m just excited to move him. We made taking down the crib and putting up the bed a family affair. Taylor told Beck this box (that contained his new bed) was his new bed. He was abnormally excited. We put together the real bed and he was even…
A Pregnancy Story, Take 2
2 1/2 years ago, I went to a walk-in, drug-testing clinic to have a blood pregnancy test. Why? Because I had just taken two home pregnancy tests that were positive. I needed the clinic to tell me the tests were wrong, since a) I was 23, having been married for less than 2 years, and b) I was on birth control. Well, ladies and gents, the tests were indeed accurate. The blood test came back positive, but even before that, it was confirmed by the clinic phlebotomist: Lady: Girrrl I knew you was pregnant when you came in.Me: Really? How did you know? Lady: Because I saw your little “pudge”.…
IHOP, Potty Tunes, & HowYOOs
This week was so fabulous. I weaseled my way into being a driver for one of my all-time favorite teenager’s midnight surprise birthday party at IHOP, took Beckett to his first toddler water park wonderland, and found a real treasure of a potty training song book that I’ll share with you in a moment. IHOP, at midnight, with this girl is time well spent. HowYOO? So, 99% of what toddlers say and do is simply a reflection of what you say and do, right? Right. Which is why some of Beckett’s behavior, while very cute, is a little hurtful. He’s currently in a stage where he likes to carry on…
Driveway Ticket, Pond Diving, & Chuck E.
[Hey purrreents and youth people – a few social media posts over at Patheos for you if you are interested: one on the video app Vine, and one on the joys and woes of the “disappearing”-photo app that is SnapChat. What else should we talk about?] Driveway Ticket Did you know that cops sometimes pull you over in your own driveway? I did. Because it happened to me about an hour ago. I saw him pass me about a block from my house, pull a u-ey, and follow me right up into my driveway. Lights a blazin. Right in front of the new neighbors I haven’t met yet. “Hi, welcome…
12 Seconds of Peace & Sleepoverrrr
“Ok, time to say bye bye.” is top 3 worst sentences a mom can say to a toddler. It pretty much never goes well. Like, today, for instance, when Beckett noodle-legged in the middle of the Starbucks parking lot as a car waited for us to cross. I drug his lifeless body by one arm the remaining 15 feet to the car. The driver of the other car thought it was hilarious. It was in that moment, after I’d wrangled a tantruming toddler into his car seat and heard those two glorious clicks of the buckles, that I found my piece of heaven: the walk from the back right door…
Easter Fun & Jade 2.0
(this post = a photo dump) Easter Fun? Easter: a time of celebration that Jesus rose from the grave and will one day make all things new. Such a glorious Sunday. Beckett was just as overcome with emotion as the rest of us. Yea, buddy. It is a big deal. It’s a HUGE deal. It’s the difference between life and death. Just let it all out. … Seriously though we had some really bad Easter festivities on Saturday. Friday and Sunday’s Easter events were splendid. Saturday? Awful. And it wasn’t just awful because the Christian radio station’s egg hunt was poorly executed and Beckett was almost trampled by the helicopter…
Tubular Rescues & Flour Fun
I went to the dentist a few weeks for the first time in like 4 years, and I really only went because of the cavernous hole in my molar that my gum kept getting snagged on. I thought for sure a filling fell out, which was accurate, but it fell out because there was a cavity underneath the filling. (Is that a thing? I just typed a bunch of words that I think the dentist said but I could be way off.) As he was filling the cavity he was all, “WOW. That’s a really big cavity.” so that made me feel pretty good about the state of my teeth.…
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Collarless, Liar Liar, Fire $#%&s, & Rocks.
We have an 18 month old. A legitimate kid who says things. How did that happen? I put him in some pajamas the other day – size 2T – that I remember getting. I thought, “He’ll neeeever be big enough to fit into these.” Not only did they fit, he verbally informed me they had “dinosaurs” on them. Sweet mercy. Why does time go by so fast? I will say, 18 months is a funny age. Personalities are emerging, emotions are being…explored, lies are being told, profanities are being used… I’ll get to all that. Collarless First…this. At first glance, you might think this reaction came when I told Beckett…
