The Clavicle that Broke Summer
A few years ago, Taylor and I went on The Week-Long Beach Vacation from Hell. (That’s not fair, actually. The first day was great, so really it was The Six-Day Beach Vacation From Hell.) I reference this trip often because it was, like, so bad. Least of all colossal fails was 8 month old Davis breaking his collarbone back at home. I found out over a spotty FaceTime connection, only catching every other word. “took a fall….maybe broken….x-rays….urgent care” You might think this is a once-in-a-childhood event, breaking a collarbone while your parents are far, far away. I’m sure for normal families it is, but we typically don’t do normal.
Another One Bites the Dust
“HOW DO THESE THINGS ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO YOU?! I’m being totally serious–you are a completely engaged, capable, attentive mom–and yet?!?” – my friend Aimee. Also, probably my husband. There’s a list of about 5 establishments our family should never enter again. Due to unforeseen bathroom emergencies, we should never again step foot inside the Kroger pharmacy, Panera Bread, King Wok II, Rosa’s Tortilla Factory, or Braum’s. It’d been a while since we’ve disgraced ourselves publicly with a banishable offense, so we were probably due.
I Wouldn’t Use That Sink…
We’ve entered “year end close”, accountant-speak for “I won’t be home for dinner. Or breakfast. Or any dinners or breakfasts for the foreseeable future.” I mentally prepare myself for these times. I know that the witching hour will be extra hard with no reprieve on the horizon. I know the kids and I will be super tired of each other. I know any big changes in the kids’ lives will be INCREDIBLY DRAMATIC and, therefore, avoid them at all costs. But the best/worst/oddly refreshing thing about small children is that they rarely, if ever, abide by the elaborate mental life scripts you have been writing for them. We are experts at knowing what…
Oh, the Places You’ll Poo
We spent 30 minutes in a Braum’s bathroom last week. 30 minutes of an 8 hour road trip spent in a fast food bathroom stall. I thought lugging a kid (or two) and a diaper bag into a bathroom stall for my own potty break was intense. I just had no idea. Potty training is no joke. And while the conversations my boy and I have while spending ample time in public bathrooms are a slow and painful death by embarrassment, I know they’ll be funny one day. Maybe you remember these conversations. Or maybe you’re in the thick of them. Or maybe they will make you swear off having children. Regardless, I want to…
Dung Beetles & Canine Lasers
Last Saturday was a family day full of projects and errands. Midway through our excursions, we stopped in at King Wok for some lunch. (Not to be confused with King Wok II, also by our house. Just regular King Wok.) The mister and I are big fans of good Chinese food which, unfortunately, King Wok is not. It’s quite terrible, in fact. Very…gelatinous. We finished eating and started packing up to head to our next stop. I picked up the babe to change his diaper and my hands touched a wet bum. Never a good sign. I checked his back out and – sure enough – poosplosion. Honestly…my kids never…
IHOP, Potty Tunes, & HowYOOs
This week was so fabulous. I weaseled my way into being a driver for one of my all-time favorite teenager’s midnight surprise birthday party at IHOP, took Beckett to his first toddler water park wonderland, and found a real treasure of a potty training song book that I’ll share with you in a moment. IHOP, at midnight, with this girl is time well spent. HowYOO? So, 99% of what toddlers say and do is simply a reflection of what you say and do, right? Right. Which is why some of Beckett’s behavior, while very cute, is a little hurtful. He’s currently in a stage where he likes to carry on…
Poopfetti, Happy Birthd… & Nightmarrers
Go get Beckett’s hair cut. Stylist says, “Hey, sorry about the rubber glove on my hand. I have a skin issue and I’m trying to keep it dry.” as she runs her fingers through B’s hair. … “On second thought, ma’am, his mullet is kind of endearing. No haircut for us today, please and thank you.” Poopfetti One of my favorite mother/daughter combos is Jamie and Morgan. Besides being generally awesome, both are avid Psych watchers. They’ve converted me to the point where I spend most nap times and any other spare 42 minutes in my day catching an episode on Netflix. Morgan is in school with a flexibleish schedule…
Apoocalypse, Huh?, & Suckers
Warning: this story is not for the faint of heart. It is, however, for anyone with any prior experience with baby poosplosions. If you a) are proper or b) do not fall into the latter category, you should leave now and go read the post about The Little Things instead. Apoocalypse I actually have a picture to go along with the Apoocalypse of 2012, but I’ll spare you. (My family wasn’t so lucky.) This sums up the back story pretty well: Without fail, every time Beckett goes into the exersaucer, we have an exploosion of epic proportions. The great part is, I don’t realize he needs his diaper changed until…
Owls, Blowouts, & Momisms
My baby will be 4 weeks old tomorrow. How does this happen? This week has been a big one for us. We had our first night out as a family, and I had my first major outing with the babe by myself. This is us at Niki’s Italian Bistro, a classy establishment by our house. By classy I mean it’s in a strip mall, but it has shockingly good food. Beckett slept the whole time, waking only for a few minutes to eat from a BOTTLE! Revolutionary. Momma was reacquainted with her old friend, Mr. Chianti. Perfect first dinner out. Owls We’ve only been out a handful of times, but…
Hospital Deliveries 101, Pediatric Poo, Chronicles of the Sleep Deprived
We’re closing in on week 2 with baby B. JoJo/Momma Ned/Sparkita/Grandma-name-TBD left Friday morning, and we have survived on our own for the past 49 hours. Should be a breeze from here… Much like the Pregnancy 101 post, there is a lot of stuff people don’t tell you when it comes to birthing a child. I’m apparently a big fan of lists, since they appear in all of my posts. Here’s another, regarding surprises surrounding delivery and our hospital stay. Hospital Deliveries 101 Calm Staff. When you go to check in at the hospital, it’s the calmest environment in the world. Everything portrayed in the movies is frantic, so that’s…
