That @#&% Rating System

In a moment of parenting GENIUS, we have created a rating system for curse words.

It all started when the boys and I were at the park and overheard two junior highish boys call each other as many names that included the word “ass” as they could think of. To be honest, the whole thing was clunky and painful because middle school, but my boys asked the obvious next question:

“Mom, what is a ‘Loser Dass’?”

Well sons,

a) it is a version of newbie cursing that lacks vision and creativity,

b) there’s no D

but, I guess more importantly,

c) we don’t say that word.

I tried to get spiritual and remind them of our call to “not let unwholesome talk come out of our mouths” etc etc but then I realized:

they will absolutely hear this word again now that they’re aware of it. Probably from someone we love. Possibly from us.

Which led to the further realization that:

This is far from the worst word they’ll learn.

Up until now, they thought the S-word was “stupid” and the F-word was “fart”, and they are SO VERY SERIOUS about these words.

For instance, I (an adult) called my brother (also an adult) a Big Dumb Stupid a few months ago and the fallout was…explosive. If we were Catholic, I’d still be doing Hail Marys from Father Beckett.

Those junior high Loser Dasses got me thinking – there has to be a way to differentiate between words.

Enter: our rating system.

It spans from levels 0 to 4, level 0 being the Little Kid Cuss Words such as stupid, butt, and fart that aren’t really curse words but we avoid them anyway; level 4 being the F-word and other derogatory names for people.

Levels 1-3 are your run-of-the-mill curse words that range in severity.

We talk a lot in our family about whether things are little deals, medium deals, or BIG deals. Sometimes language is a little deal, sometimes a medium deal, sometimes a BIG deal.

Our home is a place of refuge for many a people, including many friends in various stages of language and faith journeys. Some would die before even the tiniest exclamatory curse left their lips, some drop Bad Word Bombs like confetti, and some (me) don’t make a habit of it but can’t help but appreciate a well-timed level 1 or 2 word.

The point is: our kids hear some things.

But if our mission as a family is to love God and love others, I want to be sure we’re loving others well even if they occasionally say ass in conversation. I don’t want my kids to freak out and gasp and do all those things kids do that publicly shames someone who does something “bad”.

At the same time, I want my kids to know and recognize when we have a LEVEL FOUR situation on our hands. Level four usually requires someone to speak up and shut it down. (And if I ever hear a level 4 come out of their mouths, there will be level 2 to pay.)

This rating system solves our problems.

They hear a word at school, at a dinner party, or in a movie, and whisper, “Was that a bad word? Which level?”

OR, like recently during a play date when I heard a kid say “she’s a b****”, I swooped in and sang, “llleeeevveeelllll tttthhhhrrreeeeeeeeeeee” to let my boy casually know that is most certainly not something we will be saying please and thank you.

One of my favorite things about this system is that Taylor and I have spent many late nights (sometimes alone, sometimes with our church community group) strongly debating which level the word “shit” goes in. Verdict is still out (I say 2; most say 1) but it’s a hilarious thing to debate at length.

Anyway.

I think we’re geniuses. I should probably come up with an infographic.

But in the meantime, these kinds of situations will continue bringing me life:

I’m turning on a movie the kids have already seen and my five year old pulls me aside. “Hey, mom, just so you know, there is a really bad word in this movie. It’s ‘stu—‘ You know the rest. I won’t say it out loud.” Truly a saint, that boy. A pillar of holiness. He shan’t dare speak the language of peasants.

My eight year old hears him (because somehow he can’t hear me remind him to change his underwear but can hear the thing his brother whispers 4 rooms away). He rolls his mature, street-wise eyes and says: “You don’t even know what you’re talking about because you’re only in kindergarten. When you get into second grade you’ll learn about SO MUCH WORSE WORDS THAN THAT.

*turns to me, whispers conspiratorially*

This movie does have bad words, mom. But we’re not talking about ‘stupid’ – that’s level zero; child’s play, really. No, we’re talking Level Two words here. Words like… *raises his eyebrows* ...’Dan‘.”

………..