Do GNAT go in your underwear, young man.
I’ve never done an Ironman or even a Tough Mudder but I have potty trained a tiny human, so I get the gist. Sometimes I feel like I should spread out my more…uh…”uncouth” posts, but let’s get real – there’s nothing couth about small children and sometimes the key to survival is laughter. Which is partly why I’ve been a little bit excited about this stage for a while. I knew, despite the frustration and tears and laundry, some great laughs would come from potty training. (A fact I reminded myself of over and over yesterday as I remained crouched on the floor of a Target bathroom stall for 20…
Play-Doh Therapy
RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus) is the gift that keeps on giving, apparently. My boys contracted it several weeks ago which is old news…except it’s the fun kind of virus where just when you think it’s gone, it morphs into something else. It’s been a vicious cycle of grossness ’round these parts, which is why I rocked my Warby Parker glasses recently. This is a conversation I had with my eye doctor during my emergency appointment, compliments of “broken eyeballs” (the words I actually used to describe the reason for my visit…because I’m 12): Doctor: Wow, yea. Your eyes are super red. Me: (Drr. That’s why I’m here.) Doctor: Have your…
Turning Over a New {Palm} Leaf
At lunch with my dear friend Amanda today, I had to choose between wiping poop off my forearm or vomit out of my hair first after a dual eruption from the wee one. Just livin’ the life, you guys. Livin’ the life. Really though, I’ve already hit rock bottom this week, so I’m hardly even phased by such a decision. Airborne Acer Probably the hardest part about having multiple kids so far is getting them ready and in the car, along with all 5,564 of their “essentials”. Step 1 is getting Hutton strapped into the infant carrier. He screams from the time the buckles snap to about 5 minutes into…
Reflux Sux
I love this picture of the Hutt man. I love it because It’s one of a few pictures we have where he’s almost smiling. Why doesn’t he smile a lot, you ask? Because reflux and RSV and whatever viral complication from RSV he currently has. This is how he’s looked for about 70% of his life so far. It’s really sad, I know. Between normal reflux and exacerbated reflux from the 2 viruses (thank you, kids at Beckett’s preschool), his 9 week existence on planet earth has been a rough one so far. He eats, he spits up by the bucketful, he cries. Repeat. Sometimes he naps restlessly in-between. A…
On being a Stay-at-Home Mom
I go to brush my teeth this morning and have to move fake celery out of the sink first. I would’ve moved the cars, but they and their toddler driver shower with me 9 out of 10 mornings anyway, so I just scoot them aside for later. After showering, I walk into the living room. We’ve been awake for 30 seconds and it is already covered in miscellaneous toys. I turn on Daniel Tiger so I can make breakfast. You can’t even tell what’s happening on the screen because of the greasy hand prints everywhere. Unbeknownst to my 2 year old, the television is not touchscreen. It’s 7:15am. Too early…
“We’re…adjusting.”
A conversation the other day after work: Taylor: *points at Beckett* Are those the same pajamas fr– Me: Are those the same pajamas from when? Taylor: …uhhhhh…. Me: Go ahead. Ask it. Are they the same pajamas from…this morning? Is that what you’d like to know? Taylor: …uhhhhh…I was just…uhhh…because if they’re new for bedtime I won’t…uhh…. Me: They are. Mine are different, but his are the same. Any other questions? Taylor: Nope. I wouldn’t wish a postpartum wife on anyone. In other news, I posted this on Facebook the other day: Aside from the obvious of keeping our second son alive and well for a whole month now, having…
Hutton and the Drive-Thru Delivery
“I feel like we just went through the hospital drive-thru. We drove up, they handed us a baby, and that was that.” – Taylor, moments after the birth of our son. I don’t want to say my boys have the best timing ever, but son #1 had a seizure in an urgent care waiting room, and son #2 decided to start the labor process just a few hours after my parents drove into town last week. So, basically, my boys have the best timing ever. Last Friday morning, I had my first “yep, this might be it” contraction in the bread aisle at Kroger. Instead of sitting at home waiting…
Early Labor Signs & Water Buffalos
I’m almost to full panic mode. I asked Taylor if we could skip church last Sunday because I was “uncomfortable”. We went on a family walk to get donuts instead. That always makes me more comfortable. There just comes a point in pregnancy where maternity clothes stop fitting, putting on underwear (let alone pants) causes searing pain, and questions about your impending labor make you twitch. I have reached such a point. Early Labor Signs Daily – nay, multiple times a day – when I’m feeling extra claustrophobic, I Google signs of early labor. If you could see my history, you’d never speak to me again. It’s included searches like…
Subway Truths & Other “I seriously just said that” Toddler Moments
I picked the worst table at Subway yesterday. We ended up at the one sitting pretty much in the middle of the restaurant. The people waiting to order are standing so close the table you’re nervous about elbowing them as you dive into your footlong meatball sub. So when Beckett piped up in that little high-pitched voice that carries as well as his momma’s, everyone within 10 feet could hear. He looked at something, pointed, and yelled, “MOMMY – WHY THAT MAN COLORED LIKE DAT?” (And for the record he didn’t say “dat”. He named an animal of the same coloring that I refuse to type out. It still makes…
“Don’t slap your face with the bread.”
“I’m not gonna lie…your belly button creeps me out.” – my brother. Just one of the special moments we shared over Thanksgiving. Parent instructions. No amount of parenting books can prepare you for the random battles you’ll face with a young child. Like the yellow train needing to go before the red train. No, not THAT yellow train, the OTHER yellow one that looks identical to the one you just held up. {insert hysteria} You also have to say a lot of things out loud that you never imagined needing to specify. Like when we had to say, “Don’t slap your face with the bread.” out loud at dinner a few…