Attention Deficit Mom Disorder
Yesterday I did that thing where I put a kid in time out, forgot I put him in time out, and stumbled across him much, much later. He was all, “Mommy, can I come out now?” I replied with, “Have you had enough time to think about what you did?” (Also, could you be a dear and remind me what it was? Because it’s been long enough I forgot.)
Sock Bandit & Costume Roundup
The face of a little boy that tried to eat a snail*. And a wood chip. And an acorn. And smashed bug guts. The great outdoors are fun, aren’t they? (*picture taken by the mom who actually debated for a few seconds between messing up freshly painted nails or digging the snail out. #boymompropz) Sock Bandit When Beckett was about a year old, he developed a love affair with the Swiffer. Like, would whine and cry to play with it at play dates, instead of the thousands of mom-tested, kid-approved toys in front of him. Hutton is following suit. Not with a Swiffer, but something equally as awkward: socks. All shapes and…
Sexy Eyebrows & Pumpkin Patch Portraits
What in the heck is up with Halloween these days? The boys and I went on a walk around the neighborhood the other day and came up to a house with a bloody corpse hanging from a noose on their tree. Like….really? Really really? “Mommy, what’s that?” “That, buddy, is poor judgment.” And costumes these days?? That’s a joke, right? In my extensive Google search for “Halloween costumes for chubby babies” (true story), I came across the following real-life, available-for-purchase costumes: Sexy Olaf Sexy Marshmallow Man Sexy Garbage Truck Driver Are we that desperate to show off our ta-tas, American women? PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, PEOPLE. You’re ruining costumes for everyone. This has…
Assisted Treating & Zoo on the Loose
I dropped B-boy off at school the other day and planned to come home and clean. You cannot even imagine how gross this house had gotten. I’m not really sure what happened, but somehow my car drove straight to the pedicure place instead. By way of the donut shop. The donut shop and then the pedicure place. Fine, I am sure what happened. Treat yo’ self, you guys. A book proposal, Halloween, 7th grade sleepover, and a zoo trip down…I justified an hour of R&R. And donuts. Don’t judge me. Listen…I know that we’re well into Christmas season (looking at you, Starbucks red cups), but let’s slow our roll. I…
The Legend of the Roller Coaster
I love fall. So, so much. I love the weather and the soups and the festivities. I love that we, the American people, have a unhealthy obsession with pumpkin-flavoring. Pies, lattes, M&Ms, cookies, soups…name the food, it’s been pumpkined. And I buy it all. This month in particular takes me back to a time I’ll never forget: the legendary costume fail of October 2010. I could get into the whole back story behind this particular October, but all you really need to know is that we had started a new class at church that combined single and newly married folk – re-branded as a “Young Adults” class. The way we…
Playground Survival & Dinosaur Patchin’
Meanwhile, back in Toddlerland… A hairbrush and a contact case took a swimsy in the toilet. Dirt was consumed from the bottom of shoes. Fall decor was enhanced. Playground Survival I’ve been excited for B to walk so we could do outdoor activities. It gets a little cabin feverish up in here. Now that he’s been walking for 3ish months, he’s getting around pretty well and loves to climb, so recently it was time to introduce the playground. Yay! Wahoo!! So fun!!! Oh, except no one informed me that playgrounds were death traps that teach survival of the fittest from an early age, so our first 3 attempts were…
Spooky Hymns & Spooky Costumes
In regards to my recent post about odd holiday traditions, I apparently meant “birdshot”, not “buckshot”. I still maintain that neither is normal to find in Thanksgiving food. Now that we’ve cleared that up…on to a spooky post. Spooky Hymns Have you heard the hymn “They’ll Know We Are Christians/We Are One in the Spirit“? I heard it for the first time recently. It’s very creepy. Creepy enough that I publicly claim it as my theme song if I am ever put in charge of organizing a religious human sacrifice. (I don’t foresee this being a possibility, obviously due to my lack of credentials in the area, but stranger things…
Resurrecting Bugs & Halloween Costume Failure
This post is in honor of this ghoulish Halloween evening… Side note: does anyone else pronounce it “Holloween”? I need backup. Resurrecting Bugs Once upon a time (last week), I was running through Bob Eden park at dusk. The sun was setting, the swamp creatures were out, and I was gasping for air during my grueling 1.5 mile run. During one gasp of oxygen, a plump (perhaps “big-boned”) flying insect made a dive straight into my windpipe. I gagged a little, coughed quite a bit, swallowed even more until that bug went down. Now, kids, this is when the story gets scary… I continued on my jog through the park…
