See you on the Interwebs, Friends
It seems like I’ve spent ample time in airports the past month. Of course there was the whole flushing-the-boarding-passes fiasco, a good read if you missed it. And then there was the return flight of that trip when – moments after entering the gate and finding seats – Hutton tripped and broke his front teeth on a metal vent. That was neat. And ended rather vampirey for this guy. I figured after both of those epic fails – one resulting in urine-covered hands, one resulting in a trip to the pediatric dentist – traveling solo to different speaking engagements would be a breeze. And it was. Mostly. How to Not Make Friends on Airplanes The only…
The Gaggiest, Greatest Love Story
August 2005: a barely-18-year-old me packed up and moved to a small west Texas town for college. I’d never been to Texas before, but I was 100% sure (based on movies and other characterizations) that every Texan boy wore boots and cowboy hats. And possibly rode a horse to class. Definitely had experience with ranching and breeding longhorns. I was excited about the prospects. Imagine my surprise when I met an irresistible, clean cut, New Balance-wearing accounting major the first day I stepped foot on campus. No Stetson, no pearl snaps, just a baseball hat and an ample t-shirt collection. I immediately knew there was something different about him. (And not just…
Fruit of the Spirit, Preschool Style
At a kid’s play place recently, Beckett saw the Grinch from Dr. Seuss painted on a wall. The entire rest of the day: “What’s that man’s name again? Why is he green? Why are his eyes yellow? Why is he so grumpy?” You know how you don’t realize something is weird until you have to voice it out loud? Yeah. “He’s green because…well, I don’t know why…but he tries to steal Christmas (?!) because his heart is 2 sizes to small. (Wait, what? He should get that checked out.)” Anyway. It’s been a thing. So today on the way to school we were working on our verse for peace this month. I was explaining…
Current Obsessions
I’m in a fragile state of life where I’m afraid to try anything new for fear it will become an obsession. Pregnancy does this to you. My friend served coconut pie at a dinner 27 days ago and I’ve thought about it every day since. Another friend told me about this Thai place by my house (a genre of food I’d never tried nor desired to). Long story short, I’ve eaten Pad Thai from the same place for 8 different meals this week. I suffer from addictive pregnancy personality disorder. So, this April, here are my current obsessions. Hopefully some will stick around (like the car), others might be seasonal (looking at you,…
The Stall: a Collection of Horror Stories from Public Bathrooms
If you wonder what being a parent is like, gather up as many hyper, destructive humans as you can and bring them in one tiny bathroom stall as you pee. Have them ask questions as loudly as possible such as “ARE YOU GOING POOP?” “WHAT’S THAT SMELL?” “DID SHE JUST TOOT?” while you quietly whisper “don’t touch that” “that’s yucky” “please don’t put your face on the ground”. Maybe also have one confetti gun and an airhorn for added chaos. Repeat that scene every time you go into public and you’ll have a good idea what your future holds. It is complete and utter insanity. And also a little bit hilarious if…
Stroller Splat
During a recent catching-up-on-life conversation, a friend of mine said, “I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, but from what I see on Facebook things are going well. You look like you’ve always got it together!” Hold up. Wait a minute. If that is the impression I have given at any moment in time, I am failing miserably as a human. (I also feel sure she never read about my, you know, severing my dog’s tail, leaving my laptop on the hood of my car, or befriending a cloud of gnats with the human poop on my calf…all exciting life events that took place within the past 12 months.) But,…
Now Charging Admission
Yesterday, I contributed greatly to society by being a “model” at a clinic for pregnant women in crisis. They were having a nurse training afternoon with a sonographer, and I volunteered my services as the perfect pregnant specimen a pregnant lady not in crisis. The nurses trained on using the sonogram machine, identifying strange baby parts, measuring fetal things, etc. And I just want to help in any way I can, you know? Just kidding. I mostly wanted to see my baby and find out the gender and if that helps others in the process, PERFECT. So while checking out the baby goods wasn’t at the forefront of their minds, it was definitely on mine.…
Will we be buying bandaids or glitter? SOON.
I think we find out tomorrow whether we’re having a boy or a girl. Can I be honest for a second? Both options excite and terrify me a little. When we found out we were expecting a third, I expected to get lots of “I really hope it’s a girl!” or “For your sake…it better be a girl.” or “What will you do if it’s another boy?!” I wasn’t disappointed. The answer is: I have no idea what we’ll do. In either case. If it is indeed another boy…first things first, we’ll build an outhouse. Because boys have terrible aim and I’m totally over our bathrooms looking and smelling like…
Witching Hour Chronicles
According to Wikipedia, the most famous non source on the internet, With a modern literal meaning of “midnight,” the term witching hour refers to the time of day and night (12:00 a.m. or 12:00 p.m. is commonly speculated) when creatures such as witches, demons, and ghosts are thought to appear and to be at their most powerful and black magic to be most effective. I don’t know about all that supernatural business, but I do know about the witching hour in our own house. It happens every weekday, without fail. It’s the hour between 5pm and 6pm, Monday-Friday. It’s the hour when you’re kind of done being a parent, your kids are kind of…
Attack of the Giant Baby and his Threenager Sidekick
We’ve had a crazy busy past few weeks with Hutton’s birthday, the mister’s busy season (February is prime corndog season, if you didn’t know), a solo trip to Nashville to hang with some awesome college kids, some first trimester bleh-ness, and, of course, the mid-season return of Suits. Love me some Mike. And Harvey. Marvey? Moving on. Remember when I used to write letters to Beckett on big milestones? Poor Hutton. I have yet to do that. I do, however, find time to make this series of slow motion videos entitled, “ATTACK OF THE GIANT BABY”. A video posted by Sarah Brooks (@sarahbrooks13) on Feb 17, 2015 at 8:05am PST Surely he’ll appreciate those…
