From My Mouth Hole to Your Ear Balls

Something I haven’t posted about recently is both my Google history and things we’ve said aloud to our children.

So let’s remedy the latter because KIDS ARE CRAY.

These are words that actually left our mouth holes recently: (Can you tell we have a house full of testosterone?)

why is there a booger on the wall? whose booger is this?

don’t put grapes between your toes.

bug catchers are for bugs. please don’t put your penis in it.

why is your underwear on the mantel?

stop tooting in his face. we don’t toot in people’s faces.

is that pancake in your ear? when is that from??

life lesson: don’t toot while you’re not wearing underwear…you know, just in case.

when is the last time we bathed the baby?

don’t turn on burners. burners are hot.

let’s not draw with your penis. how about we draw with your finger? or, perhaps, a crayon?

hey, bud…you can’t just pull your underwear down in front of people. that’s something that happens at home. well, sort of. now that I think about it, just keep your underwear on.

That’s all.

You’re welcome.