Excavate at Your Own Risk
September 18, 2017
Knowing my 6 year old’s Prehistoric Marine Reptile Dinosaur birthday was around the corner (his theme choice…as if that needs to be clarified), I needed some small party favors to take to his kindergarten class that were non-edible. (Non-edible, because when the youths today eat sugar, food dye, gluten, or non-grass-fed meat they spontaneously combust. It’s easier not to feed them at all.)
I ordered a few things from Amazon – some dinosaur stamps and stickers – but I needed just *one* more little something small to stick in the bag. This was, after all, his first ever birthday to be celebrated at school.
It was A Huge Deal.
Learning How to Send a Kid To School
August 28, 2017
Sitting in a circle of parents during the kindergarten tour, we listened as the principal introduced us to the elementary school. He covered everything from the school’s mission to flexible seating in the classrooms to the longitudinal effects of reading to your children. He asked for questions and several hands shot up; each one a great, high level question.
“Tell us about the school’s curriculum goals for the next 5 years.”
“How will you challenge my student at her level?”
“How do you promote physical health and exercise to the students?”
“Walk us through the campus safety plan.”
Good questions, good answers.
“Anything else I didn’t answer?” he asks.
Well, yes, I thought. Only about a billion. For instance, sir,
20 Things I Learned in my 20’s
August 10, 2017
I was kind of an expert of everything in my twenties. Especially my early twenties. (I think everybody is. It’s a rite of passage.)
I’m entering my thirties this week, a fact I can confirm not just by the date on the calendar but by how different my mindset is today than it was two, five, ten years ago.
Now, I hear a young twenty-something person provide invaluable, irreplaceable expertise on life to an older adult and I smile. I was you, like 1 second ago.
I knew it all, until life proved I didn’t.
I was an incredible wife before I got married.
I was an excellent businesswoman before I started my first job.
I was an amazing parent before I had children.
It’s adorable, really. How much I thought I knew, how much I really didn’t, and how much I’ve grown in the past decade. Continue Reading
The Screams Heard ‘Round the Parking Garage
July 18, 2017
Aside from my amazingly uneventful trip to NYC in June with my bestie, weird things happen to us when we travel.
Actually, who am I kidding? Weird things happen to us all the time, it is just infinitely funnier in another city.
Like the Airport Bathroom Incident on my way to Utah a few weeks ago when – instead of waiting for me, my carry-on, and my purse to exit first – a lady brought her carry-on, her purse, and her entire self into the bathroom stall WITH me. We stood eye to eye for several beats, our bodies flush against each other, as she huffed impatiently at my complete incompetence. “Uh…excuse me? I guess?” I mumbled as I squeezed past her along the wall, the metal toilet paper box cutting into the backs of my thighs. Suffice it to say, it was a very special moment for us both. Continue Reading
Take a Bite of THAT, Big Apple
June 19, 2017
“I am not – I repeat – I am NOT taking selfies all weekend.”
Taylor Brooks, New York City, 2017
After the worst vacation ever last year, we’ve been hesitant to try again. (Our doctors’ bills seem to go up exponentially when we travel.)
But MIRACLE OF ALL MIRACLES, we actually had a successful solo vacation to New York City last weekend.
(I know. It’s surprising to me, too, and I was there.)
We’re one week post-vacation, no signs of E. coli or Giardia in sight. We. made. it.
We didn’t just *make it*, we killed it.
Look Past the Clearance Jesus
June 12, 2017
If you were to Google stock photos of Good Christian Teenagers, my high school yearbook picture would show up. I was the World’s Best.
5 Ways Toddlers are Terrifying
June 7, 2017
“I totally forgot what toddlers are like.”
– me to my husband each time we have another toddler
(…which is stupid because our kids aren’t even far enough apart for me to forget the craziness of toddlerhood, yet here we are.)
The good news is, our current toddler is a minutely reminder of ups and downs of this stage.
Here are a few of the things I forgot about toddlers.
The Invisible Mom
May 10, 2017
I can count on one hand the amount of times in my 5 1/2 years of parenting that I’ve asked my husband to come home from work early to SAVE OUR SHIP, and that is one. One time.
When Magnificence Redeems Minutia
May 3, 2017
At an ENT appointment last week, the audiologist looked at my oldest son and said – with her actual words, to his actual face – “You are the reason I didn’t have more kids. I did NOT want another boy. This – *motions to him and his 2 brothers* – is my worst nightmare.”
To which I wanted to reply, “Then you should definitely either watch Saw or read some news headlines. I guarantee there are far scarier things out there than 3 wonderful, kind, adventurous boys.”
This is a thing for us. It happens a lot. Nearly every time we go in public, actually.
Dear Tooth Fairy, I Want a Refund
April 24, 2017
If I’m blogging chronologically, I should start with the Top 10 Reasons You Should Never Let Your Kids Have Snow Cones Right Before A One Hour Night Of Worship At Church, because that was a thing last night. Suffice it to say, little boys hyped up on sugar and Red Dye #40 worship very differently than their fellow churchgoers.
Worship the Lord with karate kicks, come before him with audible toots.
In other news,
Beckett got his first ever loose tooth.