Bad Luck Mack

You know the Bad Luck Brian meme?

That is my dog in real life. If there is a situation that could go wrong with a dog, he’s your dude.

He is Bad Luck Mack.

If you know anything about our dog, you know that he’s a handful. He’s a nervous Nancy who quite possibly suffers from an anxiety disorder.

You may also know that his anxiety has skyrocketed again recently. (Having nothing to do with the accidental tail severing. Haha…hah…ha..h.) We thought we could solve the issue by just sticking him in the back yard any time we left the house (which is when his anxiety kicks in), but a letter from the city detailing a “barking nuisance complaint” against us told us otherwise.

So after trying to give him away on Facebook and then sobbing about trying to give him away on Facebook, we made yet another trip to the vet.

She gave us the perfect plan with 4 easy steps: bribery, anxiety vest, changing exit routines, and medication.

Easy enough.

Step 1: Something to Look Forward To.

She suggested talking him on walks every morning before we leave the house. Such an easy idea if you don’t have 2 tiny humans to feed and clothe and shuffle around before you leave the house at 8am.

But, whatever. Great idea, Mrs. Vet. Walk out that nervous energy.

Except Halloween decor.

K. We can resume walks after Halloween.

Moving on to

Step 2: Anxiety Vest.

We’ve tried this before and it wasn’t effective, but a second chance never hurt anyone.

Well, anyone except Mack. Of course it hurt Mack.

Being attached to a large textile  isn’t a pleasant experience for an already emotionally fragile animal.

An anxiety vest causing anxiety is so counterproductive.

Step 3: Changing Exit Routine.

When we leave the house, we give Mack a treat, turn on some calming music (I wish I were joking), and put his bed in the living room.

But, since it’s Mack, his feng shui has been disrupted this week by THE NEIGHBOR’S DOGS THAT KEEP BREAKING THROUGH OUR FENCE.

Every day. Shredding dirty diapers in our yard, staring longingly through the back door, peeing all over our stuff.

We are all unamused.

(And is it just me or does the Pug look like the mastermind? He totally calls the shots of that duo.)

So, 3 out of 4 steps haven’t proven helpful yet, but there’s always step four.

Step 4: Medication.

Me: Hi, uh, I need to pick up a prescription. For my dog. My name is Sar–

Kroger Pharmacist: It’ll be under your dog’s name.

Me: Oh. Of course. {clears throat} I need to pick up a prescription for Mack Brooks. B-R-O-O-K-S.

Yep. Same pharmacy I get my own prescriptions.

The meds aren’t working super well yet, but luckily he hasn’t had any Bad Luck Mack experiences with them. (I’m actually surprised he wasn’t part of the 1% who experienced a side effect such as profuse bleeding or death. That’s a positive.)

This house is a circus, I tell ya. A crazy, crazy circus.