Kansas Extravangaza: 2 Parts Fantastic, 7 Parts Terrible

If you ever need advice on how not to take a vacation, hit me up. I’m your girl. My family is really, really good at taking bad trips.

A little over a year ago was the beach trip from hell. You might wonder what could go wrong at the beach with the ones you love. Apparently everything. Jogging into fishing lines, hitting deer on the way to church, strep throat, ear infections, stomach bugs…you name it.

What better way to commemorate that special time than to replicate it a year later? Just trade in those sunny skies and sandy beaches for some crisp, fall weather and grandparents.

Just me, my 1.5 boys, and the open road.

It started out so promising. And then we left the driveway.

Monday: Torrential rainstorm sweeps the country. Windshield wipers are on full speed for all but 20 minutes of our 8.5 hour journey. Boy #1 goes hysterical when he is denied gas station jelly beans for lunch.

Tuesday: Grandma and grandson #1 go to Union Station to see the trains. I sit and drink coffee, alone, in complete silence. Fun was had by all.

Wednesday: Stomach bug of epic proportions. 5 straight hours of toddler projectile vomiting. 12 consecutive loads of laundry.

Thursday: Pukes have been replaced with grumps. We stay home to rest and carve pumpkins. Toddler refuses to touch pumpkin innards. Toddler also refuses to pick up toys and tantrums on the garage floor for 30 minutes. I find my calling as a pumpkin carving artist.

Friday: Find a pediatrician to look at grump-child. Diagnosis: double-ear infection. Wake toddler up from a tylenol-induced coma nap to go to the cider mill/pumpkin patch because WE WILL HAVE FUN, DANGIT. 36 degrees and raining make this the worst decision ever.

at least we got a cute picture out of it

I mean, minus the shrimp and the deer, it really is hilariously identical to the beach fail of 2012. Vacationing is not the Brooks’ greatest strength.

Honorable mentions from the week (/a few other pictures I couldn’t fit into my timeline):

On our travel day when I decided to roll down the passenger window to spit my gum out instead of the window 2 inches away. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if I weren’t the world’s worst gum-spitter. (You might not have even known this was a struggle, but it is. A very real struggle.)

Nothing quite like not being able to roll the window up or down as 75mph raindrops fly to the backseat and slap your kid in the face.

Taking Beck to the T-Rex restaurant where, of all the build-a-dino animals he could have chosen, he picked the Tasmanian wolf…whatever the heck that is.

Beckett wanting to sit in a recliner like Pops. (See wolf animal. I don’t even know.)

Walking back through CVS to find my jacket. The jacket that had been on my shoulder the whole time.

The fact that, while Beckett was throwing up, I immediately tried to catch it because…? When that didn’t work, I just wrapped him up in a squishy barf hug without even thinking about it. You guys, I think I became a real mom this week.