Category: toddler life

The Screams Heard ‘Round the Parking Garage

Aside from my amazingly uneventful trip to NYC in June with my bestie, weird things happen to us when we travel. Actually, who am I kidding? Weird things happen to us all the time, it is just infinitely funnier in another city. Like the Airport Bathroom Incident on my way to Utah a few weeks ago when – instead of […]

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5 Ways Toddlers are Terrifying

“I totally forgot what toddlers are like.” – me to my husband each time we have another toddler (…which is stupid because our kids aren’t even far enough apart for me to forget the craziness of toddlerhood, yet here we are.) The good news is, our current toddler is a minutely reminder of ups and downs of […]

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Wildly Toddlerpropriate

“Teach them appropriate names for body parts,” they said. “They’ll be more empowered,” they said. You know what they didn’t say? That a two year old yelling about his penis in a crowded public area is incredibly awkward. Even more awkward is when you’re trying on clothes in a dressing room with running commentary in the […]

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From My Mouth Hole to Your Ear Balls

Something I haven’t posted about recently is both my Google history and things we’ve said aloud to our children. So let’s remedy the latter because KIDS ARE CRAY. These are words that actually left our mouth holes recently: (Can you tell we have a house full of testosterone?) why is there a booger on the wall? whose […]

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Sexy Eyebrows & Pumpkin Patch Portraits

What in the heck is up with Halloween these days? The boys and I went on a walk around the neighborhood the other day and came up to a house with a bloody corpse hanging from a noose on their tree. Like….really? Really really? “Mommy, what’s that?” “That, buddy, is poor judgment.” And costumes these days?? […]

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Pre-Planned Encouragement

My new go-to phrase when meeting someone with both kids in tow is “We’re comin in hot.” I often use it as a warning, like, “Yes, we’re almost to your house but both kids are screaming bloody murder and I have to pee immediately upon entering your home.” A few weeks ago, we “came in […]

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Play-Doh Therapy

RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus) is the gift that keeps on giving, apparently. My boys contracted it several weeks ago which is old news…except it’s the fun kind of virus where just when you think it’s gone, it morphs into something else. It’s been a vicious cycle of grossness ’round these parts, which is why I […]

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Subway Truths & Other “I seriously just said that” Toddler Moments

I picked the worst table at Subway yesterday. We ended up at the one sitting pretty much in the middle of the restaurant.  The people waiting to order are standing so close the table you’re nervous about elbowing them as you dive into your footlong meatball sub. So when Beckett piped up in that little […]

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“Don’t slap your face with the bread.”

“I’m not gonna lie…your belly button creeps me out.” – my brother. Just one of the special moments we shared over Thanksgiving. Parent instructions. No amount of parenting books can prepare you for the random battles you’ll face with a young child. Like the yellow train needing to go before the red train. No, not […]

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Kansas Extravangaza: 2 Parts Fantastic, 7 Parts Terrible

If you ever need advice on how not to take a vacation, hit me up. I’m your girl. My family is really, really good at taking bad trips. A little over a year ago was the beach trip from hell. You might wonder what could go wrong at the beach with the ones you love. […]

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