Category: parenting

Missing: One Toddlertastic Human

My camera roll is currently full of Hutton being an awesome 2 year old. Eating a bowl of M&Ms for breakfast, coloring on his infant brother, polishing off a bag of popcorn in the pantry, painting the floor with acrylic paint…he’s, like, so good at being a toddler. (The best part of this picture is the sharpie-d on […]

Continue Reading

Random Acts of…Something

Beckett loves going to the doctor. He also loves the act of taking medicine (which totally worked to my advantage recently when I gave him shots of 100% carrot juice every day for, like, 3 weeks straight). Any time one of his brothers is sick, he tries super hard to be sick, too. Maybe it’s the extra […]

Continue Reading

Crafternoons are for the {pinterest} birds.

A few years ago my favorite pair of earrings went missing. I couldn’t find them for weeks until, one day, I spotted the very corner of them dangling out of the toilet paper roll in the bathroom. Because children. They’re always misplacing things. I can’t be too hard on them, though, because I’ve been misplacing lots of stuff […]

Continue Reading

You’re Right Up My Alley

Pre-parent-me found the phrase “date your kids” horrifying. The sentiment is sweet, the wording is creepy. Parent-me totally dates the crap out of my kids. Parent-me disappoints pre-parent-me in lots of areas, now that I think about it. Like the atrocity that is my vocal cords trying to make my infant smile. Or like the amount of […]

Continue Reading

…more like how do YOU doin’ (it)?!

When my 7 week old was screaming the other night – you know, during the “purple cry” hours of 6-8pm – I muttered some, “Oh hush up, you’re fine.” before opening Photo Booth on my computer. Because if you’re going to have an inconsolable child, might as well find a way to entertain yourself to pass the time. […]

Continue Reading

Please Stop Wishing for a Girl on my Behalf

Brooks boy #3 has a name! A real name to put with a real face. (And real javelins disguised as legs that pierce my spinal column with each kick. That’s neither here nor there, just a struggle I’d like to mention.) A real name to get embroidered on bibs because that’s what Southern people love. I’m pretty excited […]

Continue Reading

The Evolution of Pregnancies

Everything is different with each subsequent pregnancy. And I mean everything. Energy, womb elasticity, TUMS consumption…all of it. When you’re pregnant with your first, it consumes you. (And you kind of assume everyone else is consumed by it, too.) You think, eat, talk, sleep, and breathe “like a pregnant person”. Gone is normal life. It’s all replaced by pregnant […]

Continue Reading

The Stall: a Collection of Horror Stories from Public Bathrooms

If you wonder what being a parent is like, gather up as many hyper, destructive humans as you can and bring them in one tiny bathroom stall as you pee. Have them ask questions as loudly as possible such as “ARE YOU GOING POOP?” “WHAT’S THAT SMELL?” “DID SHE JUST TOOT?” while you quietly whisper “don’t […]

Continue Reading

Stroller Splat

During a recent catching-up-on-life conversation, a friend of mine said, “I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, but from what I see on Facebook things are going well. You look like you’ve always got it together!” Hold up. Wait a minute. If that is the impression I have given at any moment […]

Continue Reading

Now Charging Admission

Yesterday, I contributed greatly to society by being a “model” at a clinic for pregnant women in crisis. They were having a nurse training afternoon with a sonographer, and I volunteered my services as the perfect pregnant specimen a pregnant lady not in crisis. The nurses trained on using the sonogram machine, identifying strange baby parts, measuring fetal things, […]

Continue Reading