Category: awkward

Another One Bites the Dust

“HOW DO THESE THINGS ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO YOU?!  I’m being totally serious–you are a completely engaged, capable, attentive mom–and yet?!?” – my friend Aimee. Also, probably my husband. There’s a list of about 5 establishments our family should never enter again. Due to unforeseen bathroom emergencies, we should never again step foot inside the Kroger pharmacy, Panera Bread, […]

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Wildly Toddlerpropriate

“Teach them appropriate names for body parts,” they said. “They’ll be more empowered,” they said. You know what they didn’t say? That a two year old yelling about his penis in a crowded public area is incredibly awkward. Even more awkward is when you’re trying on clothes in a dressing room with running commentary in the […]

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Random Acts of…Something

Beckett loves going to the doctor. He also loves the act of taking medicine (which totally worked to my advantage recently when I gave him shots of 100% carrot juice every day for, like, 3 weeks straight). Any time one of his brothers is sick, he tries super hard to be sick, too. Maybe it’s the extra […]

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I Wouldn’t Use That Sink…

We’ve entered “year end close”, accountant-speak for “I won’t be home for dinner. Or breakfast. Or any dinners or breakfasts for the foreseeable future.” I mentally prepare myself for these times. I know that the witching hour will be extra hard with no reprieve on the horizon. I know the kids and I will be […]

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From My Mouth Hole to Your Ear Balls

Something I haven’t posted about recently is both my Google history and things we’ve said aloud to our children. So let’s remedy the latter because KIDS ARE CRAY. These are words that actually left our mouth holes recently: (Can you tell we have a house full of testosterone?) why is there a booger on the wall? whose […]

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The Princess and the Ant

My belly button is swollen from ant bites. Apparently a lone ranger got lost in that sucker and bit me 5 times. Five. In my belly button. (Just a fun fact in case, you know, you were feeling like an awkward human being today or something. You aren’t.) Let me back up. On Saturday, Beckett and I […]

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The Multi-Sensory Urgent Care Experience

A few days ago, Hutton bent down, scooped his newborn brother up off the floor, and dropped him. From a standing position. All within a span of .23 seconds. The only thing that kept Davis from smashing his head on the ground was my catlike mom reflexes catching him by his arm mid-air. So that’s how it’s […]

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Stroller Splat

During a recent catching-up-on-life conversation, a friend of mine said, “I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, but from what I see on Facebook things are going well. You look like you’ve always got it together!” Hold up. Wait a minute. If that is the impression I have given at any moment […]

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The Journey of Postpartum Baldness

Getting my annual haircut a few weeks ago, my hairdresser Shelby inquired about my rather unique hairline. She pointed to a patch of baby hairs and said, “What’s the deal with these?” I paused, unsure how to proceed. How much to tell her. I took a deep breath, and started in with my story. “Settle […]

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Sexy Eyebrows & Pumpkin Patch Portraits

What in the heck is up with Halloween these days? The boys and I went on a walk around the neighborhood the other day and came up to a house with a bloody corpse hanging from a noose on their tree. Like….really? Really really? “Mommy, what’s that?” “That, buddy, is poor judgment.” And costumes these days?? […]

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