My Favorite Kidnappers.
January 11, 2015
I have the post-holiday pudge. That gross feeling from too much peanut brittle and chocolate pie. My exercise routine has been less than stellar in recent months.
Tonight, after scarfing down some tacos and 2 (ok 3. fine. 4.) cookies at our 8th grade small group, I went for a run.
First off, running in the cold. Ew. You go from comfortable in your multi-layered workout gear to that horrible sweaty freeze in about 2.3 seconds. You know, when you’re kinda cold but also perspiring in weird places and, anyway, that.
About a mile and a half in, I was sweaty-frozen and struggling.
I saw a car up ahead that had been stopped at a stop sign for several minutes. No one else on the road, they were just….stopped.
As I got closer, I could see a bunch of iPhone screens shining in the dark. I guessed a car full of teens. (At least they were stopped while texting, amiright?)
I ran behind the car and continued on.
Shorty after I passed behind them, they turned right towards me and creeped slowly beside me. I didn’t look at them. (My best defense against kidnappers, apparently. If I ignore them, they’ll leave me alone.)
Luckily they drove off.
…then pulled a u-ey, drove past me, pulled another u-ey, and drove up slowly beside me again.
At this point I started to panic because
a) I was alone on a semi-deserted road at night (in my suburban neighborhood, but still)
b) I was listening to Serial, a podcast series about a murdered girl, so…
c) I was 110% sure I was about to be hog-tied and stuffed into their trunk.
They did the drive off/u-turn/drive past/u-turn thing one more time, leaving me enough time to make a plan for when they pulled up beside me again. And when they did (killers are so predictable), as I took my first step in a full-out sprint, I heard…something.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw windows being rolled down. The music swelled.
It hit me. What I was hearing was none other than…
the Rocky theme song.
Yes, this one:
4 teen boys, windows down, blaring workout music, cheering me on.
“YOU GO, GIRL. YOU DO YOU. YOU GOT THIS.”
I looked over and…busted out laughing.
They cheered for a while longer, played an awkwardly long clip of the song, wished me luck, and continued on their merry way.
They were the greatest part of today. Mostly because they were hilarious, but also because I kinda think they thought I was an eligible bachelorette, not a mom of 2 trying not to cry about how much her love handles were jiggling with each step. I loved them equally for both.
Kudos to you, young men. Nicest kidnappers I’ve ever met.