Subway Truths & Other “I seriously just said that” Toddler Moments

I picked the worst table at Subway yesterday. We ended up at the one sitting pretty much in the middle of the restaurant.  The people waiting to order are standing so close the table you’re nervous about elbowing them as you dive into your footlong meatball sub.

So when Beckett piped up in that little high-pitched voice that carries as well as his momma’s, everyone within 10 feet could hear.

He looked at something, pointed, and yelled, “MOMMY – WHY THAT MAN COLORED LIKE DAT?”

(And for the record he didn’t say “dat”. He named an animal of the same coloring that I refuse to type out. It still makes me sweaty.)

I knew it wasn’t going to be good, but what I didn’t know was that the person he was pointing and yelling about was the biggest, blackest man I’ve ever seen who happened to be standing about 12 inches from my face. Well, his thigh was, anyway. I couldn’t see his face from my point of view since he was like 10 feet tall and all. (Looking back, he was probably very normal sized. At the time he was Goliath-comparable.)

I mean, I’ve heard stories from other moms. I’ve been waiting for this moment, but the race question surprised me. Our immediate friend group is a myriad of colors and languages. This is not new to him.

Plus, I’ve been preparing one day for a question about a woman in a wheelchair 50 feet away. Or a man missing some teeth across the room. Or a little girl walking with a walker down the street. Not someone in earshot.

But, yes, someone in earshot. And an animal comparison. Hold me.

I immediately launched into an explanation of how God makes people in all different sizes and colors and shapes. Some with legs that walk by themselves, some with legs that need special chairs. (I went ahead and covered the wheelchair aspect hoping to avoid that in the future. Wishful thinking?) I kept repeating that God makes everyone special, praying that gigantic man heard me.

It ended up being an incredibly sweet conversation with Beckett. My heart melted when he repeated back “All shapes?! All colors?!” excitedly.

The thing about having a toddler is that you blow your own mind with your explanations to them. You get to explain such simple things that everyone knows (and that we experience daily) but never really thinks deeply about. I thought, “What?! God totally chose to make us in different colors. And sizes. And shapes. That is amazing.”

I smiled and said, “Yea, buddy. Isn’t that cool? We all get to be different! All perfectly made.” “Yea, mommy. That really cool.”

If that man heard, he pretended he didn’t. (And a happy MLK Day to you, too, sir.)

You know who did hear Beckett? The woman who, after spending ample time in the Subway bathroom, walked past our table in time for Beckett to announce to all restaurant patrons, “THAT GIRL GO TO THE POTTY, MOMMY!”

You win some, you lose some.

“Hand me the Booger”

In other news, I’d like to update my list of “I seriously just said that out loud.” moments. Statements that parents have to say aloud to small children.

This is what you have to look forward to in several years, high school friends:

  • Don’t use your toothbrush on my toenail.
  • Stop licking the computer screen.
  • We don’t hit people we don’t know.
  • Don’t smash the burrito on your forehead.
  • He doesn’t have a booboo, he’s bald.
  • Don’t put that trash can on your head.
  • I don’t want your juicy fingers in my eyeball.
  • You peed on that m&m. Eat a different one.
  • That was a tooty poo. You accidentally pooed when you tooted.
  • Why does this smell like pee?
  • Don’t put your bacon on the wall.
  • Humans don’t wear leashes.
  • Hand me the booger.

I love having a 2 1/2 year old.

Never in my life have I been so humbled.

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