April Highlight Reel & Indiscernible Genders

My child has consumed 3 pieces of dog food, a helping of kitchen tile, and a tag from Target in the past week. In case you were wondering.

Also in the past week, we got to meet our nephew via Skype! Oh, the wonders of the interwebs. Is he not just the most perfect thing ever?! Lincoln Shutt, everyone! (You can follow Taylor’s amazing sister & brother-in-law’s missions in Chile on their blog.)

Photo courtesy of Reid & Meriden and or Dale & Cherie Photography©. Not really sure which. I stole it from Facebook.

April Highlight Reel

This month has been fantastic.

Look at this little stud.

I outran a wizard, cyber-met my first nephew, spent the weekend at a lake house for rich people that had products in the bathroom like “body butter” and “hair protectant” that I had no idea what to do with, got demolished tubing on the lake, stayed up late into the night talking about changing the world with the couples from two of my favorite families ever, celebrated one of my best friend’s baby’s 1st birthday, participated in the 3rd annual Como Easter egg hunt, and had a Pinterest party where I fell in love with these guys:

(click the photo only if you want to forever enhance your dinner parties)
Our life the past few weeks.

Also this month, Beckett hasn’t been feeling so well. The kind of “not feeling well” that results in many an outfit change and many an outing where one back up outfit wasn’t enough. Last night, he defied the laws of science by using his diaper as a poop shoot in the Rosa’s poosplosion of 2012. Oh, and then he played in his creation until we realized what had happened. I’m fairly confident we’ll never show our faces there again.

Imagine being a family trying to spend quality time dining at your go-to Mexican hot spot, only to look over and see another, less graceful family running around like chickens with their heads cut off: the dad frantically trying to clean excrement off of the restaurant high chair and ground below, the mom holding a poo-covered baby under the arms while maneuvering her way through the crowd to get to the bathroom, the family friend exiting the restaurant before he vomits, the other family friend laughing hysterically and providing no help whatsoever to the situation at hand. It was scene of epic proportions.

Also this month, I decided I forever hate Staples. At least the one by my house. The copy center people are really, really bad at their jobs which is maybe why they’re also very grumpy. They remind me of Bon Qui Qui and her complicated order. One employee and I stood there staring at each other, trying to decide who would be visibly annoyed first. As an aside, when I was trying to print several 6″x6″ pictures, the copy lady pulled out a piece of standard printer paper (which you may remember is 8.5″x11″) to try to fit 2 pictures on one page. 2 6″x6″ pictures on 1 8.5″x11″ page. Do you see the problem? She didn’t until she measured.

Indiscernible Genders

Remember Pat from SNL?

Small children can be pretty Pat-like if they aren’t dressed appropriately. Some boys are beautiful, some girls look identical to their dads.

As all parents with small children know, there’s some unwritten law that you must stop and inquire about other small children within a 200 foot radius.

A few weeks ago I was out and about when I saw a small baby about Beckett’s age. It wasn’t long before the baby’s mom and I walked closer to each other to ask the standard questions about each other’s children which is normally great, but this mom chose a completely neutral footed-pajama outfit for her child so I couldn’t for the life of me decide if it was a boy or a girl.

Babies are magnets for conversations. It’s always awkward, though, when people come up at the store and speak directly to Beckett in a really sing-songy voice. They say, “Oooohhh and what’s yooour nameee?” I never know if I’m supposed to answer their questions, or answer using a different voice to pretend he’s answering, or what.

I totally used this technique on this lady’s baby. I had to. Neither male nor female pronouns were safe at this point. I went with a “And what’s youuurr nameeee?” directed at the baby. The mom answered with the most gender-neutral name I’ve ever heard.

Crap.

So I keep going, “And how old are yooouuuuu??”

The mom was seriously doing me no favors. She’d answer and return the question to Beckett, never once using a pronoun for her child.

I finally asked a question and just tried to muffle out the pronoun like, “And when was hse born?”

“He was born __________.”

Got heeeeeem. It’s a boy.

But this is where I started feeling uncomfortable because the conversation was not flowing easily, I’d gone through my list of widely accepted first-introduction baby questions, and I had no exit plan in mind, so I chose to say, “Aw, I think Beckett is jealous. He wishes he was still wearing his pj’s too!” …because that’s not tacky at all.

Sorry, stranger ma’am, that I didn’t know your child’s gender. I also apologize for my inadvertently offensive comment about how your child is wearing pajamas in public. No judgment here, I just got nervous.

8 thoughts on “April Highlight Reel & Indiscernible Genders

  1. Steve Bloom

    I really like hoe you narrate every detail of your child. I can imagine having one too. Pretty cure picture and oh before I forget, it’s nice know such person like you taking good care of your child that much!

     
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  2. Julie Loftin

    I must tell you that I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog, Sarah!! You are such a good writer and you crack me up!! 🙂

     
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  3. highfiverson

    Not that having a dog is even close the to equivalent of having a child.. but people would always approach my dog in the sing-songy voice (sometimes the sing-song face too!) and ask how old he was and what his name was… I considered responding in my best Scooby voice on a number of occasions, but my preferred method was to just wait and see if Dude would answer. Made for some extreme awkward silence. The worst was when they would pet my dog and say “are you a boy or a girl” and then look on my dog’s underbelly and say… awww what great little guy. Is there such thing as dog harrassment? Because I’m pretty sure Dude and I could have filed for it. Next time you come across a Pat-baby you should try this method. The other moms at the park will totally love you.

     
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    1. Sarah Brooks

      Having pets is definitely comparable for a while. And, while I’ve never considered this method, I’m certainly intrigued. Assuming they have disposable diapers on. I don’t know how to work the cloth ones so it could be completely awkward.

       
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  4. Christi Ellis

    funny stuff! We had an incident at a Rosa’s too, not as traumatic as yours tho…we walked away from a pee puddle with an unclothed child is all.
    I am great at awkward convos with strangers! I try to say something witty or funny but it usually comes across as judgy. And then I try to explain myself at which point it goes down hill fast and I’m glad they are strangers.

     
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