Insta…week & Baby Blues

I would label this section InstaFriday, but a) it’s not Friday and b) some of these pictures aren’t from Instagram. (If you blog and want to play along with InstaFriday, you can read about it at a lovely site found here: Life Rearranged.)

Insta…week

In logical dog world, if you chew an antler off of your favorite toy, the antler becomes your new favorite toy. It just makes sense.

 We celebrated 2 months of post-womb life with Beckett this week. Seriously – look how much more alert he is now compared to month 1. It’s amazing. No more comatose stare; we have an active baby on our hands.

And, as usual, I took it one picture too far. I should have learned my lesson from last month.

We tried our hand at some Taste of Home’s Tomato Tortellini soup this week. I give it a B+. It’s a lot better after sitting in the fridge for a few days, as most soups are.

Taylor and I have an acrobat for a baby. Somehow, every night, our little dude manages to do a complete 180 in his crib. He can’t even roll over, yet he manages this. (Pictured above is a 90 degree turn. He’d gone the other 90 by the time I went in to get him in the morning.)

 
Poor buddy had to get his 2 month shots today. This is how he felt about it. Instead of being a good mom and calming him immediately, I had to take his picture first. He just looks so cute when he cries sometimes.
 
I found it only fair that I also get a shot today. Sweet band-aid, huh? Little known fact: flu shots at Target also come with life stories of the pharmacist’s bully-victim-turned-bully son – no extra charge!
At our pediatric visit today, we found out that Beckett weighs 13lb 3 oz (83rd percentile in weight) and is 24″ long (85th percentile height). Read: big boy.
The nurse who took his measurements first apparently mismeasured his head, putting him in the 12th percentile, which was concerning to our doctor. The nurse also reported that he had a fever. Last time he had a fever he spent 2 days in the NICU. After remeasuring and retemping, everything was fine. Heart-attack averted.
Other news from the week: Taylor started a new job today. Yay for no more out of town and/or ridiculous “busy season” hours! I’ll take it. My only regret: I forgot to take a first-day-of-work picture of him. Curses.
Baby Blues
I’ve debated blogging about this topic for a while now, which convinced me that I definitely should talk about it.
Disclaimer: if you were a new mom who loved every second of motherhood, talked about how newborn life is full of sparkles and unicorn rides, or managed to never have poop on your person in public, you can get out your judgement hat now. Fair warning.
I was very unprepared when it came to postpartum emotions. The two extremes I heard were, “I would have jumped in front of a train for him the second I laid eyes on him” or crazy stories of women drowning their kids because the depression got so bad. There’s some middle ground that I completely missed hearing about.
I figured, like most people I talked to, the second Beckett came out I’d fall immediately into some sort of blissful, forever love with him.
The truth is….gulp….that didn’t happen to me. It happened to Taylor, but not to me.
The delivery was incredibly emotional, and I was really excited to see what was on the other side of pregnancy, but I didn’t feel an overwhelming amount of love for the slimy, chipmunky baby placed on my chest. 
In the weeks following his birth, I thought he was really cute and I wanted to take good care of him, but I also kept looking over my shoulder to see if a hospital employee was chasing me down mumbling something about, “We found his real parents…Thanks for babysitting…”
Much like meeting Taylor for the first time, it’s been more like a steady decline into love, not an all-out fall. 
There are a lot of emotions post-birth that wouldn’t necessarily be fairy tale material, which is maybe why people don’t talk about them. Or maybe it’s because it’s embarrassing to say, “Yea…I didn’t really know how I felt about him for a while.” Surely there’s something wrong with you, right?
Nah, girl.
After having your precious little bundle,
if you feel…
…sad
…a little regretful
…lumpy and stretch-marky
…like you just want things to go back to normal
…frustrated you can’t watch one tv episode without interruption
…completely unattractive to your spouse
…overwhelmed
…not like yourself
…like a feedsack
…selfish
…jealous of simplicity
…completely inadequate
…clueless
it’s ok. All of it is ok. In fact, it’s very normal.

I was embarrassed to even tell Taylor how I was feeling, having no idea so many women struggle for a while right after giving birth. (I also realized I was way more attached than I thought, otherwise his trip to the NICU wouldn’t have been as difficult as it was.)

Pregnancy and childbirth are miraculous, without a doubt, but so is becoming a new parent.

Slowly, day by day, you’ll learn more about your baby and find yourself becoming more emotionally attached.

Before you and I know it, love sneaks up on us.

Just remember – you’re not alone. And it’s ok to want to punch the new moms who shower regularly and fit into their pre-pregnancy pants by week 2. Boogers in your hair and spit-up on your clothes builds character – those poor suckers just don’t realize it.

Having a kid changes everything. The realization of that last sentence is what causes 99% of new-parent emotions. Buuuuut every day brings a little more adjusting, a little more joy, a little more sanity. Or so I’ve learned in my whopping 9 weeks of being a mom.

And since you asked…here is my new little love, the one that has successfully stolen my heart. You may want to sit down – can’t have anyone swooning.

3 thoughts on “Insta…week & Baby Blues

  1. Christie

    It’s so refreshing to read your blog. Thank you for being honest, it takes courage because people WILL and DO judge, but let ’em. They don’t know. Maybe I feel inspired to blog about lactating at school… or not. Somehow, I don’t know if blogging about my boob leakage will inspire the way you did just now…

     
    Reply

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