Sometimes I’m awesome, sometimes I’m definitely not.
July 25, 2011
There are times in life when you think you can’t do anything right. Then there are times when you can’t help but think how awesome you are, how much you can accomplish, or how exceptional you are compared to others. (To determine if you ever have the latter thought, watch multiple people use self-checkout machines at the grocery store. Guaranteed – you’ll feel pretty good about yourself.)
It’s part of the downfall of being a humanoid. Our confidence level is either inflated to a sickening level, or deflated to a ridiculous low.
Ergo: the lists. I met a girl who had a written out list of things she was good at, and things she was bad at. I loved the idea so much that I’ve been compiling my own lists for several months.
I highly recommend it for several reasons, but mostly because it can be very comical and very encouraging or discouraging, depending if you are in a confidence high or slump.
We’ll start with the bad, because they entertain me much more.
- Exercising. I hate it. A whole lot.
- Saving documents. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought “I won’t need this later” only to need the deleted file in 20 seconds.
- Filtering. Yikes. Don’t ask me what I think if you don’t want to know.
- Volleyball. Once upon a time in jr. high fitness class, I was so terrible at the game that I had to play against the wall by myself for the entire volleyball rotation (several weeks). It truly scarred me for life.
- Noticing haircuts. Even if I do notice a haircut, I immediately forget what the hair used to look like, so I can’t really comment on the changes.
- Observing the speed limit. Ask Officer Stickler about this. He seemed to think 43 in a 30 warranted a $100 speeding ticket a few months ago.
- Judging how much time it takes to get somewhere. True.
- Sketching things (dimensions especially). I would starve to death if I chose home-building as a career.
- Putting shoes on babies. Hopefully this will get better soon.
- Fake sleeping. I crack up…every time. (Not sure why I do this often enough for it to make the list.)
- Flipping pancakes. Is anyone really good at this?
- Finding the exact paint chip on a wall of choices. Hardest thing EVER and I’m not even color-blinded, bless Taylor’s heart.
- Giving a urine sample. Without too much detail, I do this a lot these days at the doctor…and I am just very, very bad. Again, is anyone really good at this?
- Throwing gum out the car window. It never makes it out the window, regardless of how far down I’ve rolled it. It ends up stuck to the window, on the dash, in the backseat (out the window then brought back in by wind), or in the floorboard, but rarely out of the car.
- Judging the amount of spaghetti vs. sauce to cook. I always end up with very juicy or very dry spaghetti. Never an appropriate sauce to noodle ratio.
- Adding numbers quickly. Once we were playing Yahtzee with some friends and I took so long to add up the dice that our friend said, “You’re kidding, right?” I said yes.
- Reading books without skipping parts. I will always skip to the last line in a chapter if it’s within my line of sight. I am too impatient to read stupid details when something big needs resolving.
- Taking birth control pills. And now we’re having a Beckett as a result!
- Efficiency. This is truly my spiritual gift that isn’t actually a spiritual gift. If I am given a monotonous task, I will find the very fastest way to complete it. I can’t help it.
- Making people laugh when they’re sad. This can be both a blessing and a curse. I am certainly not the person you come to if you need me to be quiet and cry with you, but I am the one to come to if you’re sad and need some cheering up.
- Witty remarks. Can anyone say “Wittiest” for 2 years running in high school? I can. So can my awards.
- Seeing lonely people. I love this one, because not everyone was equipped with eyes to see the awkward kid in the corner, but I was and have a deep passion for lonely/outcast people. End of serious thought.
- Following up. Dude…if you tell me to check back with you in 24 hours, I will check back with you when the exact 24 hours is up. This can be very annoying if your comment was meant to distract me so you can procrastinate.
- Speaking my mind. I bet this one is a shocker.
- Memorizing locations and finding things in the dark. Taylor claims that everyone can do this, but I don’t agree. I’ve always prided myself on my ability to memorize where a few things are on the floor or dresser, turn off the lights, grab the items, and get into bed without injury. Even if you think you can do this, I’m keeping it on my list. I feel that I’m exceptional in this area.
- Making boring things fun (i.e. meetings). Life was just not meant to be boring or unfunny.
- Texting and typing at lightning speed. It’s almost embarrassing how fast I can type and text.
- Copying other people’s crafty ideas. Not artsy on my own, but decent at copying someone else’s idea.
- Deciding where to eat. I am constantly forced to make this decision. While I hate it, I also came up with a technique that decides for us. Where should we eat? 8th restaurant on the left as we drive. Done.
- Making up games. I make all kinds of games up to entertain myself, but I like the see-what-you-can-put-in-her-shopping-cart-without-her-noticing game (man thongs in a 70-year old lady’s cart was my favorite), the insert-a-given-word-into-a-social-situation game (ask my dad re: ostrich or tinkle), and the build-a-venture game on a full tank of gas (too detailed to explain, but it’s fun).
- Editing. My old boss called me “eagle eyes”. And then I got laid off. Guess he didn’t like my finding his typos all the time. (Kidding…but maybe we’re on to something.)
- Making conversation, especially with strangers. All the time. If you know my parents you know there was no hope for me.
These lists are so entertaining to me. Hopefully I can share Taylor’s with you one day…we’re still working on them.
In the meantime, I want to see your lists. And….go!