Idiot…isms, Strangers, & Project Nursery
June 30, 2011
I’ve been stricken with the stupid bug.
Throughout the course of being pregnant, I’ve gotten progressively more stupid. Just when you think it gets as bad as humanly possible, it takes a turn for the dumber.
I can’t remember if this is on my list of symptoms no one warns you about (found here), but good grief…it’s ridiculous. For those of you clever folks thinking about commenting something like, “Just wait until after the baby is born…” or “Wait until the second time around” or something like that, don’t even think about it. Let me have my moment.
Recently, I have:
- attempted to open my home’s front door with my car remote
- Swiffered (yes, it’s a verb) the entire floor only to realize I velcro…ed the pad on backwards, therefore smearing wet dog hair and dirt everywhere
- had a whole conversation with someone about moving to Dallas/Fort Worth from Atlanta only to ask the follow up question, “So where are you from?”
- worn my underwear backwards and/or inside out more times than I can count
- forgotten Mack outside for hours at a time (This might not be a big deal except for the fact that Mack thinks he’s been abandoned forever in a pit of despair when there isn’t a couch easily accessible.)
I’m sure there is way more I can add to this list, but I can’t remember the other incidents. That’s another symptom we’ll dive into at a later date.
I’m actually sad to say that strangers are coming out of the woodwork to talk to me about being pregnant.
Let me explain why I’m sad:
Since we found out I was pregnant, I was SO excited for someone to ask, “Are you pregnant?” so I could reply with “No…why?” just to watch their reaction. Call it demented…you can’t tell me that’s not funny. Of course I would fess up, but my entertainment would be in their initial reaction.
Regardless, it never happened. I had a few people say things when I was still in a questionable state of pregnancy, but they always phrased things in a way that I couldn’t deny it. Or they were too nice or didn’t seem like they would appreciate the humor. I went from no-show to huge overnight and missed my opportunity.
That being said, strangers now have no problem with personal space. A man put his hand on my shoulder twice the other day to tell me just how pretty I was in my “condition”. That’s sweet, sir, but please take your hand off me. Seriously. Right now. Luckily no stranger has attempted to touch my stomach yet. I’m afraid I would yell.
I blogged a while ago about categories of people who say weird things (same link as above…found here) and I have two new categories.
The Position Expert
Hmm…that title is misleading but I don’t have another one so let me just explain. This is the person who makes very confident predictions about whether I’m having a boy or a girl based on how I’m carrying the baby. This is weird for 2 reasons: 1) I went to a licensed sonographer for that and 2) half the time they’re very, very wrong. What do you do when they say – with all the confidence in the world – that I’m having a girl? Sometimes I just smile and nod so I can leave.
Something about my new belly makes people think I want the gory, graphic details of their own birth experiences. (This is similar to newlyweds when people feel the sudden urge to talk about their own sex life, or to ask about yours. Really?) Somehow I find myself in conversations going from “So when are you due?” to “…and my first baby’s head was SO big that it ripp…” STOP. Just stop. No one wants to know about that region. Especially not me, the one about to give birth. While we’re at it, can you just ring up my 7 cantaloupes (new obsession) and let me leave in peace?
Speaking of over-sharing, check out Beckett’s most recent escape attempt. Two things first: 1) If you’re creeped out by pregnant bellies, I am too so I apologize. This video is just too crazy not to share. 2) Disregard the birthmark. It’s non-pregnancy related.
What’s odd about both categories above is that they are most often cashiers at stores. I guess that’s good to know if you can’t afford a doctor’s expertise or a sonogram to tell you the gender – just shop at Ross. Same difference.
My latest projects with the nursery include a homemade lamp/mobile/chandelier thing, which will make more sense once it’s complete, and clothes dividers for Beckett’s closet.
I’m having trouble grasping the responsibility of bringing a child into this world and raising him … I still somewhat consider him a doll that will have multiple costume changes each day. That being said, I went a little crazy buying clothes for him that were on clearance from the winter. Smart move, if you ask me, because I ended up buying some super cute winter wear for $1.47-$2.50.
The problem with baby clothes is that babies grow out of them so fast that you need to know what size is what…hence the clothes dividers. I’ve seen several versions of these, but I improvised and made my own from trinkets I bought at Hobby Lobby. Materials used: foam door hangers, scrapbook paper, glue, paint/marker.
[See other examples of dividers at my friend Kristen’s recent post here, from another blog, from yet another blog, or from a plethora of retailers – my favorite being “Sugarboogers“]
This is how they turned out:
I’m not the craftiest person on the planet, but I thought they turned out cute and they cost a total of about $4. Win-win.
One day I’ll show you all the treasures in the nursery so far. Until then, I have a trip to Kansas and some baby showers that all of you are invited to. I also got one of two calls I’ve been waiting on (first being “Sarah, your Edge was fixed sooner than the July 21st date we gave you) and I get to pick up my rocker today. I accidentally told the Babies R Us employee that I loved him when he told me.
Well, goodbye for now.